something's gotta get me started...

Several months ago, I found myself bored and desiring so much more for my life. I applied for a position at a medical clinic just for kicks and giggles. The postion entailed filing charts, making copies, and shredding paper. I don't know why I applied. I'm mostly happy with the job I have now. I know this clinic will never call me...which makes me realize that I am putting effort into things that will get me virtually nowhere. I'm sick of reality. Now, I'm going to make this sound as humble as possible, but I feel that I'm fairly intelligent. I possess the knowledge and skills to do a lot of different things and what I don't know, I tend to learn quickly. So please, someone explain to me why me not having a piece of paper that says I have experience in certain fields disqualifies me from even getting a phone call or an interview to prove to people that I'm worthy of doing the job that I applied for (assuming they aren't going to even consider). So maybe they are looking for someone with a bit more expertise, but also, did you know that some places looking for a receptionist require like 3 years of experience? In what- answering phones? Filing papers? Using a fax machine? Who knew you had to have a college education to alphabatize. It doesn't take a rocket scientist. I've also thought about maybe working at a newspaper or something. I like to think (keyword, think) I have excellent writing skills- I use good grammar and I have better spelling skills than most people my age, but because I'm only 21, don't have a degree in English and don't have experience in editing...I'm not even going to attempt. Tell me I'm not the only person that thinks this is ridiculous. I am more than qualified to do a lot of different jobs, but the reality of life is that no one will take you seriously if you're under 25, don't have a degree, don't have years of experience, or don't have any connections.

Maybe I need a degree in english.

I don't like feeling restricted or stuck. (side note: there's this pesky little bug that's been flying around me, and I'm pretty sure I just choked on him then swallowed him...) I feel restricted creatively because I can't get a few hours to myself to be totally comfortable and relaxed enough to just let some ideas flow for writings. I'm also restricted in my sleeping habits- no matter how early I turn off the lights and lay in my bed, I will not fall asleep until at least an hour after I lay down. that's just a fact I'm learning to accept. 

All in all i'm just frustrated.
My eyes are heavy.

and good news- I didn't swallow that bug. He is back to flying around my head again.

i had this dream once before...

There I was, walking through this field. Everything was dead and grey...completely unlively. With each step, i could hear sticks breaking beneath my feet...it all felt so real. I felt so lonely and broken. I was empty and hurting. Was this all that was left for me? I continued walking and out of nowhere there was this red balloon..the only color for miles and miles...just floating there. It wasn't tied to anything. Nothing was forcing it to stay in one place. It just was. Hesitating, I reached out and grabbed it. As soon as my hand touched the ribbon, everything bad that has ever happened, every hurtful and damaging situation, everything that has filled me with fear played before me like a movie.
Prying my fingers loose, I let go of the balloon and fell to the ground sobbing. "I give up." I said to myself. I laid there crying, trembling with fear. All of a sudden, something was different. I felt this overwhelming sense of warmth and peace. I uncovered my face, gazing up to see a man towering over me. His arm outstreched, He took my hand in His. Fingers entwined, He pulled me to my feet. He took my face in His hands, wiped the tears from my eyes and said, "Come to Me, my child. Listen to who you are. You are Mine. I have made you beautiful." I began looking around for the balloon. It was gone and everything was alive. The grass was green, there were flowers everywhere, birds were chirping. I looked back into His eyes and we began to dance. Spinning around and around, I felt every burden lift off of my shoulders. I was free. i AM free. :)
"Fear not, for I have redeemed you.I have called you by name, you are mine." -Isaiah 43:1.